


Goddess

by KuroBakura



Category: Rab C Nesbitt (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bars and Pubs, Gay Rights, Gender Dysphoria, Older Woman/Younger Man, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Out of Character, Secret Crush, Self-Esteem Issues, Transphobia, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:07:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22519711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KuroBakura/pseuds/KuroBakura
Summary: 20-year-old Ian Cormack is a college student who leads a boring life. He doesn’t have many friends. Besides books and gaming, Ian likes going to a certain bar to relax every chance he gets. And not just because of the alcohol. There is a certain woman that he is fond of that works at this particular bar. A woman that does by the name of Davina, who he has such a huge crush on.But Davina has a secret about herself that she does not want people to find out about herself. It may be known to some people but it is something that she has neither confirmed or denied. But if it does get out, Ian may change how he feels about her.Will Ian be able to accept Davina for who she is or will he still be alone for the rest of his life?
Kudos: 2





	1. Beautiful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian sums up the courage to talk to Davina as he makes one of his weekly stops at the bar.

  
Ian opened the front door of the bar and stepped in. Ian never thought that he would ever go to one of these places but he now stops here at least 3 times a week. Even if it not to exactly have a beer or anything. When Ian first came to this bar, he was struck with Cupid’s arrow when he noticed the barmaid that was working there. All he knew is that her name is Davina. As much as he wanted to get to know her, Ian felt like doing that would make him a creep so he has been holding back. Ian has not been stalking her either. 

Today, instead of sitting at one of the tables, he decided to actually sit at the bar counter. When he sat on one if the stools, he saw Davina. She looked absolutely stunning. Even though, her backside was only facing him. Ian gulped and looked down at counter, blushing. In the bar, there were also three men who were looking at Ian.   
  


“The laddy seems very interested in Davina.” One of the men said to his friends. The two other men agreed. They kept on watching the young man. Ian gulped before he looked up again at her.

”Davina?” Ian spoke up. Davina heard him and turned to looked at him. She was smiling. Ian blushed even more.

”Fuck. She’s so gorgeous.” Ian thought to himself. Davina walked over to him.

”Yes? What can I get you, hun?” Davina asked Ian. Ian gulped again.

”Can..can I get a Sprite, please?” Ian asked her. Davina nodded and went over to the soft drink cabinet. Ian places his head in the counter and gently hit his head against a couple of times. The three men who were looking before felt bad for him. Ian lifted up his head quickly before Davina came back over with a can of soda in one if her hands and placed it in a coaster in front of Ian. She noticed the expression on his face.

”What’s wrong, Ian?” Davina asked him. Ian blushed even more. He was surprised that Davina remembered his name but coming here as many times as he does, he was not totally surprised about it. Ian was not exactly ready to admit his feelings for her but yet...he wanted to actually talk to her. For once.

”Not much. College has been a little stressful but I am okay for the most part. How about you? How have you been, Davina?” Ian replied and asked her. Davina slightly blushed. It was rare around here to hear someone ask her how she was doing.

”I have been doing good. By the way, I know you mentioned what you went to school but it has slightly slipped my mind about what it was for again. Do you mind reminding me what you are going to school for again?” Davina answered and asked another question to him. Ian smiled at her.

”I do not mind at all. I am going to school to be a game creator. I went to a school in America but I am going to college in London for a year as an exchange student program type of thing. I am British American and was born as well as raised in England until I was three years old. My mother is British and my father is American. ...I am babbling about certain things for no reason, aren’t I? Sorry about that. I tend to do that quite a bit.” Ian said and then asked. Davina was still smiling.

”That is quite alright and I do not mind that either. I never knew you had British blood running through your veins.” Davina said back to him. Ian felt better about that.

”I do. I just take after my father more and being raised in America for most of my life, I barely have an accent much anymore. My mother does, though. I leaned a lot of terms and such from her. It can get confusing at times for other people but I tend to use American and British terms on and off.” Ian told her. Davina nodded.

”That is understandable. Well, I hope that your dreams come true for the career that you are going for.” Davina spoke. Ian nodded.

”Thank you, Davina.” Ian said back to her. Davina noticed another customer coming into the bar from the corner of her eye. She excused her self to help the customer. Ian was alone once again, just watching Davina and drinking his soda. But this time, he was a little happier than he was before. Ian got to actually speak to Davina. Hopefully, they will more and longer conversations like this. And maybe even outside of the bar, too. The three men walked over to Ian as Davina left the bar counter to go to a customer at one of the tables in the bar.  
  


“Excuse me, laddy but we could not help but notice that you are interested in Davina.” One of the men whispered to him. Ian looked at the three men and nodded. The three men were not sure how to break it to him but yet...he may be okay with it.

”Davina is not exactly a womanly woman.” One of the other men whispered to her. Ian felt confused.

”I do not understand what you mean by that.” Ian whispered back. The three men let out a sigh.

”Davina has a stick. A biological stick, so to speak. She’s in _transition_.” One of the men explained to him. Ian now understood but yet, he does not care. He still likes Davina, regardless.

”Davina is a woman to me. Doesn’t change the way I feel about her. Plus, why does it matter? If Davina feels like a woman then she is a woman. Times are different now.” Ian said back to him. The men understood.

”We understand but we just did not want you to get your hopes up. Just looking out for you.” Anither one of the men said to him. To Ian, it came off as a bit impersonal and slightly transphobic but he was not going to say anything. He did not want to put Davina on the spot, if it was true that she is transgender. Not to mention, even though, Ian is straight, he still would date someone who is trans because to him, trans women _are_ women.

”I appreciate that but I am okay. To me, Davina is Davina.” Ian told the three men. The three men understood and headed back to their seats as Davina came back around the counter. Ian took a drink of his soda. Ian could not take his eyes of Davina’s beautiful hips. Truly, he did not care if Davina was trans or not. It was the 21st century after all. And plus, like he told those three men, Davina is a woman, no matter what. And her being trans, if she truly is, does not make a difference to him. Ian was always different than other student when he went to school in America. In many way. Also, he never really was attracted much to anyone until he saw Davina for the first time he came to the bar a couple of months ago. Since then, he has been experiencing what it is like to have a crush on someone for the first time.

As Ian finished his can of soda, Davina also could not help but look at Ian as well. She was not only curious about the younger man but also wanted to get to know more about him, too. Davina also a hard thing for him as well but she wanted to know Ian more as well.

”Ian?” Davina suddenly spoke up at him as he was looking at something in his cellphone. Ian looked up at her.

”Yes?” Ian asked Davina back. Davina smiled at him.

”Would you like another soft drink?” Davina asked him a different question this time. Ian nodded.

”Yes, please. Thank you.” Ian replied to her. Davina nodded. 

“You’re welcome, dear.” Davina said back to him then went to go grab another can of sprite for him. When she returned with it, Davina placed it on the coaster and took the empty can to toss it for him. Davina gulped before she stared to speak to him once again. Ian put his phone back in his back and opened his can of soda to take a small sip of it.

”What part of America are you from, Ian?” Davina asked him. 

“I am from the Midwest area of the United States.” Ian replied to her.

”Do you have friends back in America?” Davina asked him another question,

”Not really. I am mostly a loner for the most part. Always have been since I was a kid. I have friends but they are mostly online friends.” Ian answered her.

”I am so sorry.” Davina said to him.

”I am okay. I am used to it. Honestly, there was not many people I wanted to interact with in school. Most of the other kids at school at the time were either too preppy or just too much to handle. I mean, I got along with people but I really did have anyone that I could call a friend, though, I wanted to. I also got bullied for the most part because I am nerdy. Which, I do not care what people think about that nor am ashamed of it. I rather be myself than anyone else and I happy with that.” Ian told her. Davina’s heart was starting to beat inside of her chest.

”I understand. I was the same way when I was in school. I was not exactly a nerd but still, I got bullied on a daily basis because if who I am. But, I happy with the way I am for the most part. I also like the way you think, Ian.” Davina said back to him.

”Thank you and I am so sorry that you have to endure that, too.” Ian spoke back. Davina and Ian spoke for about an hour before Ian realized that he needed to head back to his apartment. Ian paid for his sodas and then left the bar for the day. Davina felt a little sad that he was gone. But, she knew that he will come back so she was not too sad about that. Davina did not stop thinking about Ian for the rest of the day. Ian did the same when it came to Davina. Also, he thought about what those men told him about her. Still, he did not care. The only thing he was worried about is if Davina was single or not. Hopefully, Ian can summon the courage to ask her out before heading back to America when the year in London ends.   
  


_Hopefully_.


	2. Need To Learn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Davina has a heart to heart with herself as she has a dysphoric episode with her body.

Davina was in her room as she got ready for work. Today was also medication day for her. Davina sat on the bed with some alcohol wipes, a bandage and a syringe filled with estrogen. As she prepped the area fo where she was going to take her shot, Davina looked at her chest. She was trying to develop her breasts as much as she could before getting implants..if she ever needs them in the future.

“They definitely have gotten a little bit bigger than last month. That’s good. I mean, I don’t need to have big tits to be a woman. I just want ones that are large enough so I can feel more comfortable with my body and who I am. That’s all.” Davina spoke to herself. Then as she moved a little bit, she noticed her penis and suddenly covered it. She hated being a man. Davina always felt like that she was a woman. Ever since she was a child. Her parents wanted her to be the son that gave birth to but Davina had other plans for herself. Davina used to try to be just a gay man living in England but for her, it just feel right. Being that way made it feel like that she was lying to herself about who she was.   
  


  
After a while as soon as she turned 18, Davina moved out her parents’ home and started a new life as Davina but she did not fully start to transitioning until after college. It took a long while to get to the level where she is at now. Though, she does not have many supporters in real life but yet, she was out about being a trans woman the world. Davina also kept being turned away by transphobic doctors when she tried to get medication. Luckily, she found a doctor that not only was trans-friendly but also gave her so much wonderful advice and such, too. Still...Davina hated knowing that until she was ready to have bottom surgery done, her penis was still going to be there. And it hurt her so much. Davina felt ready to get it done but at the same time, she was afraid. Davina was afraid that something could go wrong.   
  


Davina got up from her bed and looked in the standing mirror that was against one of the walls in her room. Seeing her whole, entire naked body was making her dysphoria come out. On top, she felt great! Even wonderful! But below the waist...not so much at all. This is what also was causing her to feel very depressed at times, too. Seeing her penis and knowing that she still is technically “male” biological. In her heart, Davina felt like she was 100% a woman, no matter what. Davina let out a sigh. And usually, her dysphoria is not like this all the time but for the last month, it has not been good for her. And Davina was not sure why it was happening or what was caused it either.

”I hate feeling this way about myself! It makes so upset when I see my penis still here on my body. I want it to have my bottom surgery and feel complete as well as myself but...what if something happens? I want to risk it and I am risking everything to become who I am truly am. Though...I am afraid that it could kill me, too. Feeling stuck like this sucks so much. ...Will I ever be free of these thoughts? I hope so. ...And I need to learn how to love myself more. As confident as I seem to people in public, I am not that way when I am by myself at all. These bad thoughts need to stop.” Davina said to herself as she kept looking in the mirror. She went back o er to the bed and continued on giving herself her monthly dosage of estrogen. When she finished, she put the syringe in a special box after placing a bandage over the area where she took her shot.

Getting dressed was not always easy for Davina either. Always having to mess with her penis so people do not know that she has a bugle is always tough for her. Especially with skirts but she has figured out a way. She knew she did not have to tuck to pass but it made _her_ feel more comfortable. Now, she is not against men in general. She loves men and is attracted to them. It is just her penis that she truly despised the most. As Davina put in her stocking and skirt, she started to feel a little relieved that she does not have to look at it anymore for the rest of the day. Davina decided to wear a loose sweater today instead of a blouse. The only part that took the most time for her was putting on makeup. Which, she was really good at doing.  
  


Davina looked in the mirror once again when she completely done getting dressed. A big smile appeared on her face. Now, she felt a lot better and her dysphoria was starting to go away quite a bit after checking herself out in the mirror.

” _Gorgeous_.” Davina thought herself. Davina headed out of her bedroom to grab her purse that was hanging from a coat rack near the door. Before she left, a thought popped up in her head.

”I need to learn how to love myself more. As well as confident, too. Even before I started to transition, I never really felt that way about who I am. And it is still not easy to do so. Maybe...maybe I need to talk with my doctor about this. It could be my medication messing with me. Who knows! The point is...I need to mentally make myself feel better, too and not just physically. I need to better all around. And I am going to do this one day at a time.” Davina thought to herself before she left the house to head to the bar for start work for the day. The only thing that Davina hopes was that her secret is not found out. Only a few people knew and that is how she planned to keep it for now. Maybe.


End file.
